1 00:00:04,072 --> 00:00:06,340 [music playing] 2 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:07,575 Tom, are you ready? 3 00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:08,976 We're going to miss the opening band? 4 00:00:09,077 --> 00:00:10,111 TOM: Why? Who's the opening band? 5 00:00:10,211 --> 00:00:11,011 I don't know. 6 00:00:11,112 --> 00:00:13,281 Some group I've never heard of. 7 00:00:13,381 --> 00:00:14,248 I'm cold. 8 00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:15,183 Are you cold? 9 00:00:15,283 --> 00:00:16,917 No, but then, I'm wearing a shirt. 10 00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:17,818 Yeah, yeah. 11 00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:19,787 I-- I got sweaty, took it off. 12 00:00:19,887 --> 00:00:20,921 Are you OK? 13 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,123 Yeah, yeah, fine. 14 00:00:22,223 --> 00:00:23,857 Got a little something in the back of my throat. 15 00:00:23,957 --> 00:00:24,992 OK. So get some water. 16 00:00:25,093 --> 00:00:26,727 And dinner tasted weird. 17 00:00:26,827 --> 00:00:27,995 And my feet are clammy. 18 00:00:28,096 --> 00:00:29,497 You get clammy feet? 19 00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:31,099 Only when I'm getting sick. 20 00:00:31,199 --> 00:00:33,701 Oh, crap, I'm getting sick. 21 00:00:33,801 --> 00:00:35,069 Maybe we should just stay home. 22 00:00:35,169 --> 00:00:36,170 No, no, no, no. 23 00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:37,638 You've been looking forward to this concert 24 00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:39,373 for, like, a month. - Oh, please. 25 00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:40,541 There'll be other concerts. 26 00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:42,410 Yeah, but not with your fourth favorite band 27 00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:44,945 and that other group. 28 00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,381 Well Carter and Eva are waiting, 29 00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:50,418 and I don't want to disappoint them. 30 00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:51,319 OK. 31 00:00:51,419 --> 00:00:52,220 Love you. 32 00:00:54,855 --> 00:00:55,656 Bye. 33 00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:08,336 I forgot my purse. 34 00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:15,509 [groaning] 35 00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,447 [theme music] 36 00:01:19,547 --> 00:01:24,385 THEME: Can't we find a way that we could be together? 37 00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:28,356 Is there any way that we could be together? 38 00:01:28,456 --> 00:01:33,794 And oh, by the way, baby, do you love me? 39 00:01:33,894 --> 00:01:34,862 Yes, I do. 40 00:01:34,962 --> 00:01:35,763 Yes, I do. 41 00:01:35,863 --> 00:01:38,232 Yes, I do. 42 00:01:38,332 --> 00:01:39,700 Yes, I do. 43 00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:50,678 Look at this-- got the Hills' mail mixed in with ours again. 44 00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:53,614 Well, just bring it over to Phil. 45 00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:55,383 It's bad enough I have to live next to the guy. 46 00:01:55,483 --> 00:01:56,917 Now I got to deliver his mail as well? 47 00:01:57,017 --> 00:01:59,153 I'll just give him a sponge bath while I'm at it. 48 00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:01,222 How do you go from, "hi, here's your mail" to "hello, 49 00:02:01,322 --> 00:02:02,523 want a sponge bath?" 50 00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:06,026 Well, I'm keeping his car wash coupon. 51 00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,828 That can't be right. 52 00:02:07,928 --> 00:02:08,729 Hm? 53 00:02:08,829 --> 00:02:09,963 No, it is. 54 00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:11,699 They have Lyle Lovett stamps now for some reason. 55 00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:13,066 No, no, no, no. 56 00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:15,068 It's from Mensa. 57 00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:17,705 The intellectual society. 58 00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:19,540 Phil's getting mail from Mensa? 59 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:20,608 So? 60 00:02:20,708 --> 00:02:22,310 So Phil can't be getting mail from Mensa. 61 00:02:22,410 --> 00:02:23,677 I'm a judge, and I'm not in Mensa. 62 00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:27,581 And Phil's just a-- well, whatever the hell Phil is. 63 00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:29,950 I guess anything's possible. 64 00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:30,918 No, it's not. 65 00:02:31,018 --> 00:02:32,586 Clearly, it's a mix up. 66 00:02:32,686 --> 00:02:34,655 Yeah, that's what I thought about the Lyle Lovett stamps 67 00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:35,556 at first. 68 00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:38,359 But then, no. 69 00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:39,660 [sighs] - Morning. 70 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:40,561 Morning. 71 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:41,795 You look tired. 72 00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:43,964 I didn't sleep. 73 00:02:44,064 --> 00:02:45,132 Something keeping you up? 74 00:02:45,233 --> 00:02:46,667 More like someone. 75 00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:50,738 Tom was up all night coughing and blowing his nose. 76 00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:52,640 Tom is sick? 77 00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:53,507 A little. 78 00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:54,508 I'm sure it's-- 79 00:02:54,608 --> 00:02:55,409 Step aside. 80 00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:56,677 I'm on it. 81 00:02:56,777 --> 00:03:00,113 The orange juice has pulp, but I can strain that out. 82 00:03:00,214 --> 00:03:01,014 All right. 83 00:03:01,114 --> 00:03:02,015 Let's see. 84 00:03:02,115 --> 00:03:04,452 I've got Tom's favorite nose drops. 85 00:03:04,552 --> 00:03:06,354 We'll just have to find that new digital thermometer. 86 00:03:06,454 --> 00:03:08,689 Very accurate, goes right in his ear. 87 00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:10,724 Tom has favorite nose drops? 88 00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:12,626 Oh, god. I have to call my dentist. 89 00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:14,295 Supposed to have a root canal, but obviously, 90 00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:16,830 that's going to have to wait. 91 00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:18,766 Soup. 92 00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:20,167 [blowing nose] 93 00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:25,373 I came as soon as I heard. 94 00:03:25,473 --> 00:03:27,808 Sweet, my favorite nose drops. 95 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,584 Do you have to do that out here? 96 00:03:36,684 --> 00:03:37,818 My porch, my rules. 97 00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:39,086 Yeah. 98 00:03:39,186 --> 00:03:41,455 Uh, got some of your mail mixed in with ours again. 99 00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:44,358 Ah, thanks. 100 00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:45,759 I-- I couldn't help but notice you 101 00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:47,928 got a letter from Mensa there. 102 00:03:48,028 --> 00:03:49,129 Yeah. 103 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,198 Try to rope me into speaking at the next meeting. 104 00:03:51,299 --> 00:03:52,500 [chuckling] 105 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:53,534 Oh, so are a member? 106 00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:54,435 Six years. 107 00:03:54,535 --> 00:03:55,836 Why, aren't you? 108 00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:57,271 No, not as of yet. I-- 109 00:03:57,371 --> 00:03:58,306 PHIL: Really? - Yeah. 110 00:03:58,406 --> 00:03:59,340 Wow. 111 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:00,874 And you're a judge. 112 00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:02,142 [door opening] PHIL: Oh. 113 00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,043 Hey, honey. 114 00:04:03,143 --> 00:04:05,346 Ben brought us mail. 115 00:04:05,446 --> 00:04:06,647 Damn mailman. 116 00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,616 Tara's having a bit of a war with the carrier. 117 00:04:08,716 --> 00:04:12,252 Well, he started it. 118 00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:14,622 TARA: Can't you read? 119 00:04:14,722 --> 00:04:16,490 Of course I can't read, because I'm just a mailman. 120 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:17,958 Oh, don't be obtuse. 121 00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:19,527 You know what I'm talking about. 122 00:04:19,627 --> 00:04:21,562 Oh, so now, I'm illiterate and obtuse. 123 00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:24,131 Although I don't know what obtuse means, because I'm 124 00:04:24,231 --> 00:04:26,667 just a stupid mailman. 125 00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,402 I'll just go bone up on this. 126 00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:30,304 Ow. 127 00:04:30,404 --> 00:04:33,507 You did dig your nails into his arm. 128 00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:35,008 Could have been a dog bite. 129 00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:35,909 Can't prove a thing. 130 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,113 I got it. 131 00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:42,182 It's a different kind of Mensa, isn't it? 132 00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:43,817 Some sort of a nonprofit organization 133 00:04:43,917 --> 00:04:46,487 that recycles shoes into rope or rope 134 00:04:46,587 --> 00:04:48,622 into shoes or some such thing? 135 00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:52,826 Or-- right? 136 00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:54,962 See you, Ben. 137 00:04:55,062 --> 00:04:56,730 You should have seen Tom's mom. 138 00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:58,832 She was like Wonder Woman, except instead 139 00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:01,068 of the lasso of truth, she had a serving tray. 140 00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:02,470 Oh, yeah. 141 00:05:02,570 --> 00:05:04,772 Why does Superman get to shoot lasers out of his eyes and all 142 00:05:04,872 --> 00:05:06,707 Wonder Woman gets is a rope? 143 00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,409 Stay with me, Eva. 144 00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:09,777 Right. 145 00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:13,046 So you just-- you left him alone with his mother? 146 00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:13,947 Don't get me wrong. 147 00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:15,048 I love Tom to death. 148 00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:17,985 I'm just not that good around sick people. 149 00:05:18,085 --> 00:05:19,019 Germaphobe? 150 00:05:19,119 --> 00:05:21,522 No, I just find them irritating. 151 00:05:21,622 --> 00:05:23,391 Oh, that's sweet. 152 00:05:23,491 --> 00:05:25,459 You think I'm a horrible person. 153 00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:26,527 No. 154 00:05:26,627 --> 00:05:28,962 No, I think you lack the nursemaid gene. 155 00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:30,664 - Nursemaid gene? - Yeah. 156 00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:31,565 Some people have it. 157 00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:32,533 Some people don't. 158 00:05:32,633 --> 00:05:36,437 It's like curly hair or an extra toe. 159 00:05:36,537 --> 00:05:37,337 Oh. 160 00:05:37,438 --> 00:05:40,107 Well, Tom's mother has it. 161 00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:41,909 Huh. 162 00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:43,711 What, you don't like this shirt? 163 00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:45,979 Just, this is a territory issue. 164 00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:47,581 You let her take over now, and pretty soon, 165 00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,450 she'll be folding your laundry. 166 00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:51,519 Well, that doesn't sound so bad. 167 00:05:51,619 --> 00:05:52,420 What? 168 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:55,489 Linen wrinkles. 169 00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:58,392 Just to be fair, she did have an invisible jet. 170 00:05:58,492 --> 00:06:00,828 - Huh? - Wonder Woman. 171 00:06:00,928 --> 00:06:01,729 Oh. 172 00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:02,930 Oh, we're back on that? 173 00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:06,900 BEN: Aha. 174 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,168 There we go. 175 00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:10,504 I don't think you can join Mensa online. 176 00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:11,705 I know that, Wendy. 177 00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:14,775 I'm just taking a sample test here to prove that-- 178 00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:16,109 for fun. For fun. 179 00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:16,977 It's just for fun. 180 00:06:17,077 --> 00:06:18,278 Ben, let it go. 181 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,247 Just because Phil's in Mensa doesn't 182 00:06:20,347 --> 00:06:21,549 make him any smarter than you. 183 00:06:21,649 --> 00:06:23,283 Actually, it does. 184 00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:24,818 Oh, no, of course he's not smarter. 185 00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:26,420 It's just that the questions are too easy. 186 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:27,888 Come on. Here. 187 00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:29,056 Look. 188 00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:30,824 If it were two hours later it would be half as 189 00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:33,326 long to midnight as it would be if it were an hour later, 190 00:06:33,427 --> 00:06:35,128 what time is it now? 191 00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,297 Time for a harder question. 192 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:38,532 Oh. 193 00:06:38,632 --> 00:06:39,733 That's great, Tom. 194 00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:41,669 Why don't you just walk around and lick everybody? 195 00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:42,936 What are you doing out of bed? 196 00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:45,439 Oh, Jessie thought maybe we just go for a walk. 197 00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:48,141 Yeah, you know, get some fresh air, stretch his legs. 198 00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:51,144 That is so sweet, Jessie. 199 00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:52,913 Seriously Tom, don't be an idiot. 200 00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:54,448 You'll catch your death out there. 201 00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:55,649 Maybe you're right. 202 00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:56,984 Listen, you get upstairs and under the covers, 203 00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:58,452 and I'm going to make you some nice hot tea. 204 00:06:58,552 --> 00:07:00,187 - OK, Mom. - [inaudible] 205 00:07:00,287 --> 00:07:03,423 BEN: Apple is to pear as potato is to-- oh, God. 206 00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:06,126 It's a harder time getting into our country club. 207 00:07:06,226 --> 00:07:07,595 Anti-Semite bastards. 208 00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:10,964 Hey. Hey. 209 00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:12,265 Excuse me. Wait a minute. 210 00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:13,166 [sighs] 211 00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:14,101 Excuse me. 212 00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:15,235 Excuse me. 213 00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:16,136 Yeah. 214 00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:17,304 These aren't mine. - Hm? 215 00:07:17,404 --> 00:07:18,305 They're the Wongs. 216 00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:19,940 They live three blocks down the road. 217 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:21,609 Well, you're going to want to keep that address, 218 00:07:21,709 --> 00:07:23,677 because that's where all your mail is. 219 00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,445 What is your problem? 220 00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:26,780 You know, I just don't like your type. 221 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:27,681 Hm? 222 00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:28,682 High society. 223 00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:29,917 Nose in the air. 224 00:07:30,017 --> 00:07:31,885 Always thinking you're better than everybody else. 225 00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:32,285 Whoa. Whoa. 226 00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:33,053 Hey. 227 00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:34,187 I am not high society. 228 00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:36,223 I happen to be against junk mail because it's 229 00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:37,891 environmentally unsound. 230 00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:41,161 And for your information, I am very pro-union. 231 00:07:41,261 --> 00:07:43,564 Oh, mm, pro-union. 232 00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:45,465 Oh, friend to the working man. 233 00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:48,502 Hey, everybody, Norma Ray over here. 234 00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:50,938 Norma Ray. - And you know what? 235 00:07:51,038 --> 00:07:53,841 Don't think I didn't see the pages of My "Harper's" missing. 236 00:07:53,941 --> 00:07:55,175 Well, why would I take them? 237 00:07:55,275 --> 00:07:56,109 I can't read. - Oh! 238 00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:58,546 - Remember? - Jesus. 239 00:07:58,646 --> 00:08:00,480 Maybe you can try another tactic. 240 00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:01,715 Like hit him with a shovel? 241 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:02,816 No, do something nice. 242 00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:03,717 Kill him with kindness. 243 00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:05,085 Eh. 244 00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:06,854 So we're passing on the shovel idea, are we? 245 00:08:06,954 --> 00:08:08,722 Can I ask you guys something? 246 00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:13,426 When I was a kid and I got sick, did you, like, go nuts over me? 247 00:08:13,527 --> 00:08:14,862 Yeah, no, you never got sick. 248 00:08:14,962 --> 00:08:15,763 Really? 249 00:08:15,863 --> 00:08:17,497 That doesn't sound right. 250 00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:18,632 Yeah, no, it's true. 251 00:08:18,732 --> 00:08:19,633 You only ate organic. 252 00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:20,868 Your immune system is impenetrable. 253 00:08:20,968 --> 00:08:21,769 Yeah. 254 00:08:21,869 --> 00:08:23,270 Excuse me. 255 00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:25,172 I'm sure I remember getting colds. 256 00:08:25,272 --> 00:08:26,173 You did. 257 00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:27,474 But I took care of you. 258 00:08:27,575 --> 00:08:29,309 Your mother is a very loving person, Jess. 259 00:08:29,409 --> 00:08:31,044 She's just not very good around sickness. 260 00:08:31,144 --> 00:08:34,447 Ah, she's born without the nursemaid gene, right? 261 00:08:34,548 --> 00:08:35,949 No, it's just how she's wired. 262 00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:38,418 You make it sound like she has an extra toe or something. 263 00:08:42,790 --> 00:08:43,591 Ah, Jessie. 264 00:08:43,691 --> 00:08:45,092 You're just in time. 265 00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:46,594 For what? 266 00:08:46,694 --> 00:08:48,862 Oh, your father thinks he's so Mensa. 267 00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:50,831 I'll see how Mensa he is. 268 00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:54,201 I can Mensa the hell out of this. 269 00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:55,468 "Would you like your results?" 270 00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:56,904 (SARCASTIC) No, I want the hockey scores. 271 00:08:57,004 --> 00:08:57,938 Of course I want my results. 272 00:08:58,038 --> 00:08:59,006 [scoffs] 273 00:09:00,007 --> 00:09:01,208 There we go. 274 00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:06,413 That can't be right. 275 00:09:06,513 --> 00:09:07,347 What are you looking at? 276 00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:08,248 Nothing. 277 00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:09,416 [sniffs, clears throat] 278 00:09:09,516 --> 00:09:10,984 What are you look at? 279 00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:12,419 Hm? 280 00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:14,855 [music playing] 281 00:09:25,699 --> 00:09:27,935 Hey, baby. 282 00:09:28,035 --> 00:09:30,070 I just got back from a nice long walk. 283 00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:31,939 And I think I have an idea of how 284 00:09:32,039 --> 00:09:33,140 we can make you feel better. 285 00:09:36,777 --> 00:09:39,512 JUDITH: Shhh. 286 00:09:39,613 --> 00:09:41,214 Don't wake him. 287 00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:42,750 I just got him off to sleep. 288 00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:53,460 These vitamin C packets will clear you right up. 289 00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:54,762 It's concentrated. 290 00:09:54,862 --> 00:09:57,297 Oh, Mom already gave me like a gallon of orange juice. 291 00:09:57,397 --> 00:09:59,332 Which is loaded with sugar. 292 00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:00,233 What would you rather have? 293 00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:02,269 A cold or diabetes? 294 00:10:02,369 --> 00:10:03,436 Are those my only options? 295 00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:05,939 Chicken soup is ready. 296 00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:08,008 Oh, Mom already made a batch. Did you try it? 297 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,109 It's fantastic. 298 00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:10,277 This is better than homemade. 299 00:10:10,377 --> 00:10:11,344 TOM: How so? 300 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:15,315 Because it says so on the box, sweetie. 301 00:10:15,415 --> 00:10:16,950 Now, have some of this. 302 00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:22,089 And in a couple of hours, you'll be on your feet and back to-- 303 00:10:22,189 --> 00:10:23,657 well, hello, Judith. 304 00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:24,557 Jessie. 305 00:10:29,496 --> 00:10:30,798 I see you have your tray. 306 00:10:30,898 --> 00:10:32,032 Tom said he was hungry. 307 00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:33,566 Well, I can take it from here. 308 00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:34,668 Oh, it's no trouble. 309 00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:35,969 - No, really, I insist. - It's my pleasure. 310 00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:37,037 You've done enough. 311 00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:38,538 Well, perhaps we should let Tom decide. 312 00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:41,474 I'm afraid Tom is delirious due to dangerously high blood 313 00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:42,776 sugar. 314 00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:43,844 What is that supposed to mean? 315 00:10:43,944 --> 00:10:44,912 Guys, guys. 316 00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:46,747 It's-- you know, it's not a competition. 317 00:10:46,847 --> 00:10:48,648 The important thing is that I get better. 318 00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:49,549 That's right. 319 00:10:54,922 --> 00:10:55,723 PHIL: Hey, Ben. 320 00:10:55,823 --> 00:10:57,090 Ben. 321 00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:58,391 How'd it go? 322 00:10:58,491 --> 00:10:59,292 How'd what go? 323 00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:00,360 PHIL: The Mensa test. 324 00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:01,594 Jessie mentioned you were gonna take it. 325 00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:02,763 - Oh, it was great. - Oh, yeah? 326 00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:03,663 What was your score? 327 00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:08,068 You cheated, didn't you? 328 00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,136 Huh? 329 00:11:09,236 --> 00:11:10,838 You are one big, fat cheating cheater. 330 00:11:10,938 --> 00:11:12,039 And you cheated. 331 00:11:12,139 --> 00:11:13,173 PHIL: Oh. 332 00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:14,474 You didn't pass, dude. 333 00:11:14,574 --> 00:11:18,145 Now, that is seriously bogus. 334 00:11:18,245 --> 00:11:20,447 I'm fine. 335 00:11:20,547 --> 00:11:21,715 If it makes you feel any better, 336 00:11:21,815 --> 00:11:23,951 that online test isn't a really good barometer anyway. 337 00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:27,087 It's not? 338 00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,488 Nah. 339 00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:31,191 No, the real test is quite a bit harder, actually. 340 00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:33,927 Forget about the stupid test. 341 00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:35,362 Maybe I could pull some strings. 342 00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:37,798 I could make some calls. 343 00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:39,967 It'd be great to have a buddy in the club, huh? 344 00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:42,202 God, you are one arrogant son of a bitch. 345 00:11:46,273 --> 00:11:48,075 I got all your favorites. 346 00:11:48,175 --> 00:11:52,579 "Maxim," "Details," "Rolling Stone." 347 00:11:52,679 --> 00:11:55,348 Hey, that have an article with the guy on the postage stamp. 348 00:11:55,448 --> 00:11:56,683 Check it out, Tom cat. 349 00:11:56,784 --> 00:11:59,152 I got you all the "Saw" movies, plus the first season 350 00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:00,453 of "Robot Chicken." 351 00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:01,989 Oh, thanks, baby. 352 00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:02,890 That's so thoughtful. 353 00:12:02,990 --> 00:12:04,024 Yeah. 354 00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:07,394 Too bad he doesn't have a DVD player in here. 355 00:12:07,494 --> 00:12:08,762 It was on sale. 356 00:12:08,862 --> 00:12:11,298 I was gonna get you Blu-ray, but I didn't want to spoil you. 357 00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:13,000 Oh, you guys are so awesome. 358 00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:14,634 I don't know what to say. 359 00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:24,778 Actually, I'm feeling a little sleepy, if you don't mind. 360 00:12:24,878 --> 00:12:25,678 Oh. 361 00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:26,579 Oh. 362 00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:28,048 No. 363 00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:29,382 You sleep tight, tiger. 364 00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:37,891 He prefers Tom cat. 365 00:12:37,991 --> 00:12:39,893 [door closes] 366 00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:50,971 Hey, Kurt. 367 00:12:51,071 --> 00:12:52,639 Yeah, it's me. 368 00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:54,107 Dude, you would not believe the thing 369 00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:55,342 I've got going on over here. 370 00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:01,448 - What's this? - A peace offering. 371 00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:03,116 I made you a carrot cake. 372 00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:04,451 You did? 373 00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:06,519 I thought we could just put this whole misunderstanding 374 00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:07,520 behind us. 375 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:08,688 Oh. 376 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,090 I get it. 377 00:13:10,190 --> 00:13:12,159 I'm supposed to carry this cake around for the rest of the day. 378 00:13:12,259 --> 00:13:13,060 Oh, yeah. 379 00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:14,494 Now, that's very funny. - No. 380 00:13:14,594 --> 00:13:15,762 I mean-- what-- 381 00:13:15,863 --> 00:13:17,764 I-- I thought you could just, you know, 382 00:13:17,865 --> 00:13:19,466 put it in your truck or something. 383 00:13:19,566 --> 00:13:20,600 [sighs] 384 00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:22,235 I haven't been assigned a truck. 385 00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:24,972 Hm? Only the top guys get trucks. 386 00:13:25,072 --> 00:13:28,575 But you probably already knew that, didn't you? 387 00:13:28,675 --> 00:13:30,543 Didn't you? 388 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:31,444 Mail. 389 00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:39,152 You know what I just noticed? 390 00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:40,553 That guy's kind of defensive. 391 00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:47,127 And remember, it's two drops in each nostril. 392 00:13:47,227 --> 00:13:50,230 He'll try to get three, but you stand firm. 393 00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:52,933 I stop by to say hello and you put me to work? 394 00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:54,501 Is it gonna kill you to take something 395 00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:56,569 up to your sick brother? 396 00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:58,438 I don't like seeing him when he's healthy. 397 00:13:58,538 --> 00:13:59,806 Go. 398 00:13:59,907 --> 00:14:01,774 [sighs] 399 00:14:06,246 --> 00:14:07,814 Worried about Tom? 400 00:14:07,915 --> 00:14:08,715 No. 401 00:14:08,815 --> 00:14:10,650 He'll be fine. 402 00:14:10,750 --> 00:14:12,219 It's Jessie. 403 00:14:12,319 --> 00:14:14,721 Sometimes I think she's trying to take over for me. 404 00:14:14,821 --> 00:14:17,124 Well, she is his wife. 405 00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:19,259 I know. 406 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,962 But where does that leave his mother? 407 00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:23,363 Yeah. 408 00:14:23,463 --> 00:14:26,699 You'll always have me to take care of. 409 00:14:26,799 --> 00:14:29,336 Well, that's different. 410 00:14:29,436 --> 00:14:31,271 You're self-sufficient. 411 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:32,672 Oh, am I? 412 00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:34,474 Thanks to Phil, I'm now having trouble understanding 413 00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:37,978 a Family Circus cartoon. 414 00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:39,779 Well, it's not you. 415 00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,648 It's the cartoon. 416 00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:42,549 That's for that. 417 00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:45,919 Oh, don't worry. 418 00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:48,388 You'll always be Tom's mother. 419 00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:50,190 And you'll always be the smartest 420 00:14:50,290 --> 00:14:52,592 man in the neighborhood. 421 00:14:52,692 --> 00:14:56,196 Who isn't in Mensa. 422 00:14:56,296 --> 00:14:57,730 Try Marmaduke. 423 00:14:57,830 --> 00:14:59,399 It's easier. 424 00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:01,801 TOM: No, I'm gonna say dyeing your pubes clearly 425 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,636 is an awful idea. 426 00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:04,837 [laughing] 427 00:15:04,938 --> 00:15:06,273 TOM: So he thought the raccoon was attacking him, 428 00:15:06,373 --> 00:15:09,342 but it was actually humping his leg. 429 00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:11,811 Yeah, it was hilarious. 430 00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:15,748 No, I'd love to play ball, but I can't leave house. 431 00:15:15,848 --> 00:15:20,587 Unless-- what if I faked a doctor's appointment? 432 00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:23,556 Too much? 433 00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:26,326 I gotta go. 434 00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:27,760 [fakes cough] 435 00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:31,564 I'll buy you a nice bottle of wine. 436 00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:32,499 You're underage. 437 00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:33,400 Non-alcoholic? 438 00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:35,068 Non-alcoholic? 439 00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:37,070 What do you want, Monica? 440 00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:39,539 [sighs] 441 00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:48,048 PHIL: Hey, Ben. 442 00:15:48,148 --> 00:15:49,116 You want some carrot cake? 443 00:15:49,216 --> 00:15:50,483 What's that? 444 00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:53,253 Some sort of a smart joke I'm not supposed to understand? 445 00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:54,787 No, it's a carrot cake. 446 00:15:59,659 --> 00:16:01,995 Trying to pawn that off on you now, huh? 447 00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:03,563 I hate those people. 448 00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:05,198 Tell me about it. 449 00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:06,733 They think they're so smart. 450 00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:09,969 Oh, they think they're better than everyone else, am I right? 451 00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:12,372 Exactly. 452 00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,174 Hey. 453 00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:15,608 I'm Ben, by the way. 454 00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:17,210 Donald. BEN: Nice to meet you. 455 00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:18,611 I like the cut of your jib there, Donald. 456 00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:19,512 You don't judge me. 457 00:16:19,612 --> 00:16:22,015 Well-- so what do you do, then? 458 00:16:22,115 --> 00:16:23,983 I'm a judge. 459 00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:25,652 But listen, if you're done your route, 460 00:16:25,752 --> 00:16:28,421 would you like to join me in a good single malt? 461 00:16:28,521 --> 00:16:29,856 Well Well, no. 462 00:16:29,956 --> 00:16:32,659 But, uh, I could sure use a beer, if you know what I mean? 463 00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:34,661 Oh, even better. 464 00:16:34,761 --> 00:16:35,695 Right this way, my good man. 465 00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:41,701 You know I got him a heating pad. 466 00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:44,337 An electric heating pad? 467 00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:46,606 Not very environmentally conscious. 468 00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:48,441 Yeah, well, neither is wasting water. 469 00:16:52,079 --> 00:16:54,881 Hey, Monica, where'd you get that DVD player? 470 00:16:54,981 --> 00:16:57,484 Tom gave it to me in exchange for keeping my mouth shut. 471 00:16:57,584 --> 00:17:00,520 Mouth shut about what? 472 00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,255 Pretending to be sick. 473 00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:03,156 Oops. 474 00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:13,032 Beer. 475 00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:14,734 Simple and unpretentious. 476 00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:15,968 You know what goes great with beer? 477 00:17:16,069 --> 00:17:17,804 Hm? 478 00:17:17,904 --> 00:17:18,771 Honey pretzels. 479 00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:20,507 Pretzels! 480 00:17:20,607 --> 00:17:21,474 Ha, I love it! 481 00:17:21,574 --> 00:17:22,809 Yeah. 482 00:17:22,909 --> 00:17:25,178 So you-- you just carry these things around in your bag? 483 00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:26,479 DONALD: I got to keep carbed up. 484 00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:27,547 You know? 485 00:17:27,647 --> 00:17:29,716 This job is not as easy as it looks, huh. 486 00:17:29,816 --> 00:17:31,651 Oh, hey, it looks plenty hard to me, you know? 487 00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:34,254 Dogs, traffic, what, bad weather. 488 00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:35,422 Oh, yeah. The cats. 489 00:17:35,522 --> 00:17:36,456 Really? 490 00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:38,057 DONALD: Yeah, no one expects the cats. 491 00:17:38,158 --> 00:17:39,058 No, I wouldn't have. 492 00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:40,327 Yeah, they jump out of the tree. 493 00:17:40,427 --> 00:17:42,129 They just claw you right on your back. 494 00:17:42,229 --> 00:17:43,196 No kidding. 495 00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:44,864 So many things you got to worry about. 496 00:17:44,964 --> 00:17:46,666 Oh, but worst of all-- DONALD: Hm? 497 00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:47,567 Stuck up jerks. 498 00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:49,436 [laughing] 499 00:17:49,536 --> 00:17:50,637 Cheers. 500 00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:52,539 [laughing] 501 00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:57,344 What's going on? 502 00:17:57,444 --> 00:17:58,478 We're taking you to the hospital. 503 00:17:58,578 --> 00:17:59,812 I'm sorry. What? 504 00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,348 Well, you have to think of the rest of the family, Tom. 505 00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:02,315 I just spoke to the doctor. 506 00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:03,783 And he says based on your symptoms, 507 00:18:03,883 --> 00:18:05,985 you may have a virus that's going around. 508 00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:06,886 What kind of virus? 509 00:18:06,986 --> 00:18:07,820 Z29F. 510 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:08,855 I don't know. 511 00:18:08,955 --> 00:18:10,357 There were lots of numbers and letters. 512 00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:12,692 And there may have been an animal in there too. 513 00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:13,693 Don't you worry. 514 00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:15,094 It's just a precaution. 515 00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:16,696 Yeah, but if there's a bad virus going around, 516 00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:18,765 aren't you supposed to stay away from the hospital? 517 00:18:18,865 --> 00:18:19,866 Whatever. 518 00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:23,002 I'm sure it's nothing to be alarmed about. 519 00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:23,903 I'm better. 520 00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:28,608 I mean, I am better now. 521 00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:31,077 Just now. 522 00:18:31,178 --> 00:18:32,779 This morning. 523 00:18:32,879 --> 00:18:34,013 Yesterday morning. 524 00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:35,548 I-- I really was sick. 525 00:18:35,648 --> 00:18:39,752 I'm just feeling better now. 526 00:18:39,852 --> 00:18:42,755 Prepare to start feeling worse. 527 00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:43,690 The ranger says-- 528 00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:44,824 Yeah? 529 00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:47,093 That's not a canoe, but you can keep paddling. 530 00:18:47,194 --> 00:18:49,429 [laughing] 531 00:18:52,332 --> 00:18:53,700 Oh, you're a delight. 532 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:54,834 TARA: All right. 533 00:18:54,934 --> 00:18:55,902 That's enough. 534 00:18:56,002 --> 00:18:58,338 I know what you're doing, Ben. 535 00:18:58,438 --> 00:18:59,472 Uh-oh. 536 00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:00,840 What is it exactly I'm supposed to be doing? 537 00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:03,776 You're hanging out with him just to infuriate me. 538 00:19:03,876 --> 00:19:04,744 Classic Tara. 539 00:19:04,844 --> 00:19:07,347 Yeah, it's all about her. 540 00:19:07,447 --> 00:19:09,249 For your information, your highness, 541 00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:11,651 I'm hanging with Donald here because he gets me. 542 00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:13,386 He's an average ordinary Joe. 543 00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:14,287 Oh. 544 00:19:14,387 --> 00:19:15,655 Pardon me. 545 00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:16,623 Well, you know what I mean. 546 00:19:16,723 --> 00:19:17,524 Just-- 547 00:19:17,624 --> 00:19:18,458 Hey, you're judging me. 548 00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:19,359 BEN: What? 549 00:19:19,459 --> 00:19:20,260 He's judging me. 550 00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:21,494 Sure sounds like it. 551 00:19:21,594 --> 00:19:24,163 Well, for your information, I just happen to have 552 00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:26,333 a rich and varied interests. 553 00:19:26,433 --> 00:19:27,734 Oh, I'm sure you do. It was just-- 554 00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:29,669 Oh, let me-- let me apologize for Ben, Donald. 555 00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:30,703 He's a bit of an elitist. 556 00:19:30,803 --> 00:19:33,206 Oh, OK. 557 00:19:33,306 --> 00:19:34,507 Well, screw you! 558 00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:35,775 BEN: Don't listen to her, Donald. 559 00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:36,676 PHIL: See you later, honey. 560 00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:37,844 BEN: Come on. 561 00:19:37,944 --> 00:19:39,178 Where are you going? 562 00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:40,680 I've got that Mensa meeting tonight. 563 00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:41,648 Holy crap. 564 00:19:41,748 --> 00:19:42,915 I forgot all about it. 565 00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,417 Hey, can I get a lift with you? 566 00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:45,785 What? 567 00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:47,620 Oh, hey! 568 00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:50,022 I always thought I recognized you. 569 00:19:50,122 --> 00:19:52,024 [nonsense noises] 570 00:19:52,124 --> 00:19:55,428 Boom, chaka, boom, chaka, boom, chaka, boom, chaka. 571 00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:57,664 Mmmm-Mensa! 572 00:19:57,764 --> 00:19:58,565 See you out front. 573 00:19:58,665 --> 00:19:59,466 All righty. 574 00:20:07,340 --> 00:20:08,174 Be careful with that. 575 00:20:08,275 --> 00:20:09,476 It's linen. 576 00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:10,943 JUDITH: Yoo-hoo! 577 00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:12,679 TOM: Oh, lemonade. 578 00:20:12,779 --> 00:20:14,046 It's for Jessie. 579 00:20:14,146 --> 00:20:16,048 Oh, thanks, Judith. 580 00:20:16,148 --> 00:20:17,750 I'll bring the tray down when I'm done. 581 00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:20,387 Actually, I've been thinking. 582 00:20:20,487 --> 00:20:23,656 And I want you to have it. 583 00:20:23,756 --> 00:20:25,958 A passing of the tray, if you will. 584 00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:26,859 Thank you. 585 00:20:26,959 --> 00:20:28,695 It means a lot. 586 00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:29,596 Oh. 587 00:20:32,699 --> 00:20:33,700 Take good care of him. 588 00:20:38,104 --> 00:20:39,606 OK, I don't care if you catch the plague. 589 00:20:39,706 --> 00:20:42,509 We are not using a tray with a choo choo on it. 590 00:20:42,609 --> 00:20:45,345 His name's Topper. 591 00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:46,245 Really? 592 00:20:49,048 --> 00:20:50,883 [coughing] 593 00:20:53,420 --> 00:20:55,254 [coughing continuing] 594 00:20:57,290 --> 00:20:58,458 [groaning] 595 00:20:58,558 --> 00:20:59,392 Oh. 596 00:20:59,492 --> 00:21:02,194 I brought you some soup. 597 00:21:02,295 --> 00:21:03,095 [groaning] 598 00:21:03,195 --> 00:21:04,997 And your favorite nose drops. 599 00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:06,466 Oh, thank you, honey. 600 00:21:06,566 --> 00:21:08,768 And your favorite magazines. 601 00:21:08,868 --> 00:21:13,039 "Economist," "National Review," "Necktie Aficionado." 602 00:21:13,139 --> 00:21:14,841 Oh, it's a new one. JUDITH: Mmhm. 603 00:21:14,941 --> 00:21:16,108 Thank you. 604 00:21:16,208 --> 00:21:18,044 You don't happen to have a handgun as well, do you? 605 00:21:18,144 --> 00:21:20,480 Oh, cheer up. 606 00:21:20,580 --> 00:21:21,614 I have some good news. 607 00:21:21,714 --> 00:21:22,515 Hm? 608 00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:23,650 Mm. 609 00:21:23,750 --> 00:21:26,118 Wendy took the online Mensa test. 610 00:21:26,218 --> 00:21:28,555 Oh, she failed, right? 611 00:21:28,655 --> 00:21:30,189 Um, yeah. 612 00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:31,591 Yeah, it's too bad. 613 00:21:35,928 --> 00:21:38,365 You're not just saying that to make me feel better, right? 614 00:21:38,465 --> 00:21:42,068 Oh, you are so smart. 615 00:21:42,168 --> 00:21:44,036 [chuckling] 616 00:21:46,773 --> 00:21:48,074 Uh-- 617 00:21:48,174 --> 00:21:48,975 Ah-- 618 00:21:49,075 --> 00:21:50,377 Mm. 619 00:21:50,477 --> 00:21:51,478 When you say smart-- 620 00:21:51,578 --> 00:21:53,480 Genius. 621 00:21:53,580 --> 00:21:56,315 [music playing] 622 00:21:56,365 --> 00:22:00,915 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0